Thick skin, Soft heart.


‘You don’t look like a Pastors wife’.

I smile.

I wonder is it because I wear make up, say the wrong thing on occasion, roll my eyes too often, laugh at the wrong time during conferences?

What springs to mind? Here’s the stereotypical criteria I have realized.

As Pastor’s wife one must:

Smile continually and produce lots of perfect children by pain-free supernatural childbirth.

Play piano, sing like an angel, work in the church nursery.

Organize women’s events and carry an endless supply of Kleenex.

Bake on demand.

Produce a real baby Jesus if one isn’t available for the nativity.

There’s more but you get the idea.

I’m currently writing an assignment for my course, a fictional piece called ‘Confessions of a Pastor’s wife’. In researching I have found a number of things – pastor’s wives put themselves under massive amounts of pressure, feel isolated, alone and often resentful. I read that 8/10 PWs’ feel unappreciated or unaccepted by their husbands congregations. According to  survey by the Global Pastors Wives Network 80% responded that they wished their husbands would choose another profession, and 88% struggle with depression. 88%…

I came to realize a long time ago that I’d never meet the criteria and as Pastor’s wife I would be not allowing other people’s expectations to define me.

Because in being me, I am honouring the one who created me.

Unique and precious in His sight.

Don’t get me wrong, I know lots of piano playing, sensitive, singing PWs and that is who they are meant to be. It’s not about rebelling against stereotypes and trying to be cool.

It’s about authentic living.

So, take a good look at your Pastors wife (you do anyway) and…

Lay off on the expectations, throw lots of grace her way and bless who she is.

And I’ll end with this.

If I’m made to live a goldfish bowl. Please throw me some food in occasionally.

Love, Michelle xoxo

I am joining the free writers over here today.

Five Minute Friday

My friend Melissa also wrote a beauty today. Read her blog here…she’s a legen…I mean I really love her.

35 thoughts on “Thick skin, Soft heart.

  1. This is awesome! I would love to also see “Confessions of a Pastor’s Kid”. Got a million stories. Keep on being who you are, Michelle. A good looking, out there pastor’s wife with a soft heart and wonderful humour. I’m not near enough to throw you some food, but I bless you today with insight, encouragement, confidence and favour. Amen!
    Faith B.


  2. Dear Michelle, God Bless You So Much for your literary gift. I loved reading your musings today. Well done! Love, Carolyn


  3. I can relate in many ways!! But, like Faith, my perspective would be as a pastors kid and also a pastors grandkid :0) Too many tales to share here though – lol :0)


  4. This is wonderful! And I’m in complete agreement with you – the expectations placed on pastors’ wives are ginormous and totally unfair, to say nothing of unrealistic! I have the same yet opposite problem in that my spouse is a pastor’s husband! Good luck with that one, right??


  5. Woooooa there Michelle. Are you telling me you are like, well like a real life human being 🙂 Have to say if you had started to bake that would be a bonus, its good to have something to nibble on while you are buying make up xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


  6. So when you say, “Throw me some food.” do you mean it literally? Lol, I’m pretty good at baking. 🙂 Just wanted to tell you, I’ve volunteered in Sunday School with your middle daughter and she is absolutely lovely!


  7. Hi Michelle, didn’t Jesus say it is in the heart of a man/woman that is more important and NOT
    what is seen on the outside. Keep on seeing and hearing with the eyes and ears of your gentle heart, you’re are doing wonderfully well!
    God bless, Rosie


  8. Some food from your momma Shell……love in abundance, blessings, admiration,, respect, laughter…..the joy of the Lord…….rainbows…..the list goes on…..
    Once again words of honesty and wisdom from my very blessed and beautiful daughter…..
    Would love to hear “confessions of a pastors” kid from your 4!!!xxxxxxxxxx


  9. Forgot to say Shell…….I’m sending plenty of Diamonds in the dust!!!!!……God has those in abundance xxxx


  10. LOOOOOOK how many comments you got. Clever girl. I love this piece. Honesty. Gets my vote. Short, sweet, very entertaining and very truthful. Well written.

    Go Michelle…


    Jolyon on behalf of all Barkers everywhere


  11. Love you Michelle! I’m so thankful that You are You !! 🎉 Your words inspire and challenge. Thank you for sharing your deep and beautiful thoughts. 💞K


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