What! You too? I thought I was the only One

October 26, 2019 Michelle Collins5 Comments

Today we look at community, this devotional is linked to Phil’s talks – sign up here

Most people have heard these words of Mother Teresa, ‘the greatest disease in the West today is not TB or leprosy; it is being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for. We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread but there are many more dying for a little love. The poverty in the West is a different kind of poverty — it is not only a poverty of loneliness but also of spirituality. There’s a hunger for love, as there is a hunger for God.’

Loneliness has been defined in different ways. A common definition is, ‘a state of solitude or being alone.’ The other definition is, ‘loneliness is not necessarily about being alone. Instead, it is the perception of being alone and isolated that matters most.’

Our greatest need is food, shelter…and connection. Brene Brown writes a lot on this subject, ‘a deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.’

It is so important to allow ourselves to be seen, sharing the truth of where we are at. Our fears, doubts, extreme thoughts. As Brene says, in doing so, ‘we connect with others and in turn give them permission to be themselves. In sharing our fears and insecurities, we find true relationships.’

Community is woven throughout scripture. I love where scripture writes of the importance of us being joined together, that we cannot function well without one another, that we are called to encourage one another, to bear one another’s burdens. We are designed for each other!

It’s so easy to withdraw isn’t it, I am often overthinking and sensitive – the familiar villain of fear can cause me to withdraw into my world where I find encouragement in scripture and in God’s presence,

But, that’s not enough.

Yes, my life is hidden with Christ in God, and I live/love that, but as you know one of favorite lines is, ‘created for community.’ I think the enemy of our soul wants nothing more than to isolate us in loneliness – hiding away in a world of silence and unreality.

This needs us to make a change – stepping out, being vulnerable and honest, inviting people into our imperfections.

I love the idea of a community where are arms are wide open, where judgment is abandoned, and encouragement is the norm. Community allows light into the dark places,

Jen Hatmaker writes, ‘and as we witness this beautiful community, we aren’t just observing vulnerability but rather chains breaking, darkness receding, victory rising… when enough bright places are created, the dark has nowhere else to hide.

To do this, we have to be seen.

‘Friendship … is born at the moment when one man says to another “What! You too? I thought I was the only one. ” C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Kaitlynn

I thought I could do it alone. I had chosen not to engage fully in fellowship or let family see what gripped me. I thought that I would be judged by my family, my friends, or anyone who heard about what I had been going through.

Years later, the movie “Frozen” portrayed how this time in my life felt. When I saw this movie the first time, I SOBBED. For those who need a refresher: the part where from childhood to adulthood, Elsa locks herself in her room. Anna, her sister, tries to entice her to come out and play. Elsa always refuses and sometimes wouldn’t answer. Eventually, Anna gives up and leaves her alone. Fast forward to the end, and Elsa realizes what she needed all along was family and a friend.

It took me a long time before I would let people in to see what I was going through. Anxiety and depression gripped me hard from an early age. Finding people who understood, or even tried to just understand me was a game-changer. I had placed no value in community for a long time.

I would encourage anyone who feels like “no one will understand”- to reach out to trusted people. One of the tools I firmly believe the enemy uses is isolation: whether by actually isolating us from family and friends – or making us believe we are. We would have no idea how many people really have been dealing with anxiety and depression, until we reach out, or back to those we love.

Maybe just start with one person. I used to imagine what these conversations would look like – I would get so worked up that I would not even start them. But once I got going, how freeing it was to build community without hiding something real about me. For me – every time I would tell someone my story, it got easier to ask for help or let someone in.

Scott

Before I had my anxious breakdown, I had a friend tell me about his experience with anxiety and how he was overcoming it, and so, he was the first person I called on when things started getting bad for me. Having someone like that to talk to was incredibly helpful in learning to understand my anxiety and showed me that I wasn’t alone. I haven’t been shy when it comes to talking about my anxiety, and in doing so, I’ve met so many people who have been through situations similar to mine. Some of them sought help from their community immediately, but others say that they have never spoken about it until now and that they have spent years trying alone to find themselves again, which they did but with great effort and lots of time. I was fortunate to speak with people who had experience with anxiety, but I was also immensely blessed to have my whole bible study group committed to praying for me and checking in on me, most of whom admitted to me that they didn’t personally understand what I was going through. It was enough to know that they still accepted me and were interceding in prayer for me. Now that I am feeling mostly better, I still let those people know when I’m doing well or when I have a bad day or two. Maybe the most important part of having a supportive community was having people there for my wife when I wasn’t in a place to be there for her. My anxiety struck hard right before our second child was born, so having people to support her practically and emotionally was crucial to our healing.

Meditate and Memorise

‘Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, but a good word cheers it up.’ Prov 12:25

I also love this verse in the The Passion Translation, ‘anxious fear brings depression, but a life-giving word of encouragement can do wonders to restore joy to the heart.’

Listen: You Say, Lauren Daigle.

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened…

September 27, 2019 Michelle Collins2 Comments

‘I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.’ Mark Twain

Session three on our Navigating Worry online course, explores hypothetical worry, i.e., worrying about future events, imagined scenarios that cannot be solved or action taken and the likelihood that the script will never take place.

I’ve been thinking about the thoughts we often have when everything is going well. Have you ever had that? Work is good, the family is #blessed. Brene Brown describes at that point that joy itself can become foreboding. ‘That impending feeling that it’s going to be taken away and that in moments of joyfulness, we try to beat vulnerability to the punch. It can often happen when you have experienced disappointment. The habit of waiting for the next bad thing, or, on the other hand, I speak to some who feel so blessed, and things are going so well, their mind hovers around ‘things are so good something will go wrong soon enough.’

Brene shares a poignant story in her book, Daring Greatly, about a man she interviewed who admitted to her that he never allowed himself to be too joyful about anything in life. An elderly man who lived a life ready to be disappointed. He made an effort to never get too excited or too joyful so that he would be prepared if things didn’t work out and pleasantly surprised if things did.

Then one tragic day, he lost his wife of 40 years to a car accident. ‘The second I realized that she was gone, the first thing I thought was ‘I should have leaned harder into those moments of joy. Because [foreboding joy] did not protect me from what I feel right now.’

Proverbs 15:15 in the Amplified Bible says this, ‘all the days of the desponding and afflicted are made evil [by anxious thoughts and forebodings], but he who has a glad heart has a continual feast [regardless of circumstances].’

What is a foreboding? The dictionary definition describes, ‘a feeling that evil is impending or that something bad is going to happen.’

Worry can feel omnipresent, constant, an irritation, a dripping tap of what if’s and dread – of waiting… a familiar subtle presence hovering over and gnawing at your everyday existence, Song of Solomon 2:15, ‘catch the little foxes that are ruining your vineyard.’ Catch them. To do so, we must first recognize them and name them.

The verse goes on to say, ‘he who has a glad hard has a continual feast (regardless of circumstances) Scripture is full of promises such as this, or Psalm 27:13, where David writes, ‘what would have become of me had I not believed that I would see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living!’

You know by now that I’ve known and still know the reality of struggle and darkness in my family, and I know this is often not a quick fix. But I do know the freedom of God’s promises.

Let us recognize the source of forebodings and not let them overpower us.

Yes – there are often many reasons for our soul be too downcast – let us learn to live with a glad heart, allowing our soul to prosper, taking thoughts captive – continually feasting. If the ‘forebodings’ are something you experience, ask someone to pray with you, to speak life over you and remind yourself of God’s word for your life.

Have you been able to recognize the forebodings that gnaw at you, the little foxes destroying? Do you need to be reminded of God’s promise again today?

Let us know if you’re finding these teaching sessions and devotionals helpful!

Love, Michelle

Today, we begin our ‘real-life story’ section, where, after each devotional, you will find a story from someone I know who has experienced worry/anxiety/stress and what they have done/are doing to find their way through.

Rose

Anxiety often comes in the form of an attack. A mental one, sometimes a physical one, and I feel it is certainly always a spiritual one. For me it can range from charging my phone constantly, so I have enough battery to call someone in an ‘inevitable’ and irrational emergency, or being too afraid to leave the house/go to new places in case something bad happens, to a throat closing, heart-pounding panic attack while in the car – all of which can make day-to-day living difficult. So to me, anxiety is very much a feeling of impending doom. It’s the enemy finding a way in and spreading like a slow-acting poison, consuming you with worry and dread, which is why it’s so important to find your antidote. Because of this, for me, prayer is the number one remedy as oftentimes living with anxiety can make you feel isolated and weakened to a point where you don’t feel able to talk to anyone about it – sometimes your only option is to call out to God and give it to Him when you can no longer deal with the all too familiar weight of these worries. It can also be so easy to let yourself become buried in your mind, letting fear dictate you and making you forget to live, so what is helpful to me in these moments is having people around me that I trust who push me out of my comfort zone – not too far, but far enough so that I don’t let the stress of these feelings win. What further helps me when I feel anxiety building is trying to reassure myself that I’m safe, telling myself that these overwhelming emotions are probably temporary, that the rustling I heard outside at night isn’t sinister but an animal or something of nature, that statistically, what are the chances of something bad happening to me out of everyone else in the world? I will also tend to put on a familiar nostalgic movie or tv show that I know brings me comfort. Hopefully, with such coping mechanisms and with time the voice of anxiety may become quieter, and though the fear may never fully leave, you can move forward with the knowledge that you have the strength, courage, hope, and faith that things will get easier and that with God you are never alone.

Meditate and Memorise

‘You cannot lose your standing with God. You are an adopted son or daughter of the King’ Galatians 4:5–6

Listen: Still.

On Dr. Martens and Friendship.

April 27, 2013April 27, 2013 Michelle Collins11 Comments

I chatted to my friend this week in the UK.
She said she keeps up with my blog and I said I’d give her a mention.
Who knew that five minute Friday would be the word ‘Friend’ so I have 5 minutes to write – no editing no backtracking *cough*.
Remember:
When we were in school together…and you spelt your name with a ‘y’. So cool.
We topped and tailed in my little single bed. A lot.
When my side the friendship talked the other into taking a day off school. Hmmm.
When I required big scrunched hair, you were my scruncher – diffuser and all.
When you saw my home as yours. My family as yours. That was good.
When we decided to say yes to the Jesus who invaded our lives with love and freedom.
Our mature years (late teens) – of even bigger hair and such sensible clothes, Benny Hinn and dwelling in four dwellings.
And then the wandering and wondering and meeting up again.
And all those babies.
And now…
Your eldest sits his leaving exams and my littlest sits his weekly spellings.
Your eldest says ‘Mom, I want physics and psychology and art.’
And my littlest goes to bed asking ‘Is it OK if I just tell God He’s cool because of His superpowers.’ We’re doing a great job!

You’re more than my mate Kayt, your my sis.

Nearly 3 years ago, I stepped off a plane and had to start friend making again. And that’s been hard. It takes time doesn’t it?
Time. Energy. Effort. Courage…there’s that word again.
We are all meant to be friends with someone. We cannot do this life alone.

Jesus loves friendship.

I spent my Thursday at the Hope Centre.
I chatted with my biker tattooed bro with his UK imported Dr. Martens. I let him know his boots were having a major fashion moment in the UK. That kids, teens and Moms alike were wearing them with pride. The boot, designed after a ski injury back in the 60’s has made its air cushioned sole through decades of punks and skinheads to style mags and catwalks.
(I was the 9 year old skinhead down the Lye with waist long hair and docs) Seriously.

My Hope Centre friend. He told me he wasn’t sure if he fit in there because he was so different. ‘I mean, just look at me’ he said.
I told him everyone in the Hope Centre was different so he would fit in just fine.
As he was leaving he came up to me and said
‘Hey, English. I had a great morning.’

I could say its because of the Patti’s sandwiches or my excellent coffee or Esther’s hospitable skills. But I think it’s more than that.
You see there’s something that connects us all.
Whether homeless, happy, frantic, fed. We are made for connection.
For friendship. For community.
Whether living life together day by day, a weekly visit to the Hope Centre or friendship across the pond.

Friendship, is gift to be treasured and not taken for granted.

(not the boots HC bro was wearing, the boots I would wear;)

My prayer is that you will find courage to allow yourself to find and to be a friend.

Yes courage.

‘The root of the word courage is cor—the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage literally had a very different definition than it does today. Courage originally meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” Over time, this definition has actually changed, and today, courage is synonymous with being heroic or performing brave deeds.
Heroics and bravery are important, but I think we’ve lost touch with the idea that speaking honestly and openly about who we and about our experiences (good and bad) is the ultimate act of courage. Heroics is often about putting your life on the line. Ordinary courage is about putting your vulnerability on the line. In today’s world, that’s pretty extraordinary’ Thoughts of Brene Brown.

And finally…
Back to my mate kayt. She wears docs.

Have a great weekend friends!
Love, Michelle. xoxo

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” CS Lewis.

Vulnerability on Facebook.

March 26, 2013March 26, 2013 Michelle Collins6 Comments

I recently read a Facebook post from a friend (a teacher) who’s very calling and passion had been questioned and undermined. Who had taken a hit by a fiery dart which had left her hurt, confused, floored.

So, she put a shout out on Facebook asking for some encouragement…

The fleeting thought of judgment of asking such a thing disappeared as I drew on my current focus of living in vulnerability. I soon saw the power of it. Remembering: “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” Brene Brown.

Here’s what she wrote for me:

‘I guess you could say that my post went viral in my own little world. I received 24 pages of encouraging comments from students, former students and parents of former and present students. Each one had a profound effect on me. They made me cry and smile. They brought back fond memories of every single student who responded. They strengthened me. Each word of encouragement was like an arrow shooting back at the enemy who was trying to discourage me. I was humbled again in a different way and somewhat embarrassed. My mother wasn’t. She said she was proud of me and the comments made her cry and smile too. She was the one who asked me to copy all the comments into a Word Document and send them to her so she could read them to my Dad who doesn’t like reading on the computer. That’s how I know there were 24 pages of encouraging comments. You know what else is significant about that number? This is my 24th year of teaching. Yes, Satan may win a few minor skirmishes, but my ultimate victory is secured in Jesus Christ! Let us never underestimate the power of encouragement!

….I greatly appreciated, and now cherish, the encouraging comments that were given to me last week. Without social media, I wouldn’t have been able to reach out in my need or received such an immediate response. There may be those who see only the “evils” in social media, but I for one have benefited in more ways than one from the positive use of social media. God can use ANYTHING for his purposes!’ Thanks Jo!

I’ve read all sorts of posts complimenting each other lately on being a round person in an edgy world. Raw edges? Shattered? Serrated?

How are you on encouragement? Being an encourager that is.

‘Therefore encourage one another and build each other up’ 1 Thessalonians 5:11

F.B Meyer said that if he had his life over he’d spend much more time in the ministry of encouragement.

Yes – the ministry of encouragement. Is that you?

Healer of serration. Pouring oil on the raw.

Liar fighter. Celebrator. Defender.

Comforter. Hope giver. Creator.

You are real – you know hard stuff happens – in fact doesn’t just happen, its commonplace.

It’s not bumper sticker unreality or

Cotton candy fluff…

They’re THE Word pinning others down as they spin, holding them up as they fall.

“Words kill; words give life.” Proverbs 18:21

If I lived like that were true – that everything I say or write can give LIFE – I…we would be so much more intentional with words.

There is someone in your life, your family, and your circle that needs a word of encouragement today. It’s more than a positive word. Its more than a pick me up. Words give life. Ask ‘Who and how do you want me to encourage today Lord’?

It could be that only you are in the position to help those you come in contact with.

Become part of Gods plan for someone else’s day…who knows, it might be formative in someone’s life, or it might just get them through the next hour.

‘The generous will prosper;  those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.’ Proverbs 11:25.

Be (an) encourag(er)ed!

Love, Michelle xoxo

Friday Faves: My Cloud

March 22, 2013March 22, 2013 Michelle Collins1 Comment

Yes, it’s Friday Faves my weekly mashup. (Click on the highlighted words to link!)

Interesting articles:

Why Marcus Mumford’s take on the “Christian” label doesn’t hold up. In Relevant magazine here.

The not-so-perfect pastors family, thoughts by a couple of PK’s in Christianity today.

Six reasons young Christians leave the church. Do you agree with this?

Fave podcast:

Brene Brown on Oprah. I love Brene and her message. Feel free to make yourself a cuppa click here and watch the interview. Very liberating.

Here is a free book I’ve downloaded but not read yet by Hugh Halter.

I’m reading a dialogue feast for my course: On Beauty by Zadie Smith, various screenplays inc.Waiting for Godot, Ernest Hemingway’s Short Story Collection and Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf.

I’ve had my head (and camera) in the clouds this week.

“And the LORD went before them by day in a pillar of a cloud, to lead them the way…”

“If the clouds be full of rain, they empty themselves on the earth…” Ecclesiastes 3:11 Wesley says ‘Learn the practice of liberality from the clouds; which when they are filled with water, do not hoard it up, but plentifully pour it forth for the refreshment both of the fruitful field and the barren wilderness’.