Please don’t hug me (your way)

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Dear Church,

I will start by saying. ‘His grace is enough.’

I enjoyed your Sunday morning service this week, thank you so much for your warm welcome.

You need to know it’s a big deal for anyone walking into a church for the first time – and for some more than others. I just wanted to point out a few things that might help you in understanding some of us who walk through your big glass doors.

Firstly, I realize why hugging is really important. You’re excitedly declaring, ‘welcome, come and be part of our church family.’

But you need to know…some of us can’t hug. Your way.

Touch repulses me and if you try and hug me my skin crawls. I actually want to vomit, often do, and my whole state becomes unbalanced. You might want to Google sensory processing disorder to understand more.

So maybe try not to presume everyone you meet is a hugger. When you get to know me, I’ll show you my sign for hugging, and we can do that as I walk into the foyer rather than…well…what happened.

I also really understand that eye contact is important; you show you are listening – you are giving your attention to me and no one else. The problem is, I can’t give you eye contact because my eyes sting and it feels like tiny hot needles are poking me. But please don’t think I’m rude. I’m happy that you talking to me, I just don’t like you looking into my eyes.

Finally, I know I got up and down a lot in the service. It’s not that I don’t like being there or I’m struggling with the message, or I’m that I’m demonised! Restlessness is a side effect of the medication I’m taking, so, I get up and wander around until my legs settle. Easy? Sort of, depending on the volume of the music is and how bright the lights are.

It can be tiring being me sometimes.

Thanks for reading  – I will come back next week. I know it’s about us understanding each other and I know you also have a lot of stuff going on that no one knows about. I can see that in you, it’s just that my stuff is more obvious…

I’ll close with my life verse from Psalm 139 that I like to encourage people with.

I will offer You my grateful heart,

for I am Your unique creation,

filled with wonder and awe.

You have approached even the smallest details with excellence;

Your works are wonderful;

I carry this knowledge deep within my soul.

I believe this. Do you?

Regards,

Hannah.

P.S. I also have Aspergers.  I forget to mention it sometimes…

(This is revamp/repost, for the five minute Friday prompt, ‘touch’ A letter worth reading again…)

 

Happy 23rd.

I saw you today.

At the lake of many colours,

In sudden rolling black clouds and monster raindrops,

I saw you today.

In a light that only a storm allows,

In the double rainbow which ended right at our feet,

… and as we looked for the gold, I saw it before me,

In my beached out babes.

I saw you today.

As I have done everyday for 23 years.

Yes – 23 years since I saw you truly for the first time.

I’d caught glimpses of you, but the frantic and the fear averted my eyes,

Until – I looked that day, the 23rd, with different eyes, the eyes of my heart.

I remember now my 17-year-old self and how you have poured in your burning love and how your love broke and thawed and healed.

I saw you delve into dysfunction and rewire those twisted roots and plant them into new ground.

I love that ground.

23 years and my life is transformed, yet, I arrive again today, new and childlike – with eyes of wonder, with a heart that says I am yours.

Psalm 139 says it so well,

Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!

God, I’ll never comprehend them!

I couldn’t even begin to count them—

any more than I could count the sand of the sea.

Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!’

 

And the One responds,

I’ve never quit loving you and never will. Expect love, love, and more love!’(Jer 31:3)

I will leave you with a fascinating fact.

The first ever Morse code message was this:

.– …. .- – / …. .- – …. / –. — -.. / .– .-. — ..- –. …. – ..–..

And for the rest of us who cannot read Morse code it says this:

‘See what God has done’

This verse being Numbers 23:23

I write this post for one reason of course, to point you to One who loves you.

Happy day,

Michelle xoxo