Day 4.

Today is a word prompt from my friend Sam.

Uncomfortable. 

“Important in any community of faith is an ever-renewed expectation in what God is doing with our brothers and sisters in the faith. We refuse to label the others as one thing or another. We refuse to predict our brother’s behavior, our sister’s growth. Each person in the community is unique; each is specially loved and particularly led by the Spirit of God. How can I presume to make conclusions about anyone? How can I pretend to know your worth or your place? …A community of faith flourishes when we view each other with this expectancy, wondering what God will do today in this one, in that one.” {Eugene Peterson A Long Obedience in the Same Direction}

The role of Pastors wife brings expectations, I captured thoughts on this in my post ‘Thick skin, Soft heart’ here.

One expectation is sitting on the front row of church, reserved in an unspoken way for the Senior Leader and his family. It has been a while since the Collins 6 have all sat on the front row, the teens like to sit in the balcony, or attend Pursuit on Sunday evenings.

Bella helps in children’s church.

So, it’s my boys and me.

Until Josiah goes to children’s church.

Then it’s Phil and me.

Then Phil gets up to preach.

Leaving me.

On my own.

On a very wide, open pew.

Now, I know that the congregation aren’t looking at me, or what I’m wearing or how I’m worshipping or wondering why I’m on my phone. *cough* YouVersion. (…except for yesterday I was texting my teens.)

The truth is I feel uncomfortable.

At this point I must say that Phil doesn’t mind where I sit in church. Front, back balcony, foyer but I do want to be there cheering him on.

But yes. I’m uncomfortable.

Yesterday I went to church with the above words from Eugene Peterson ringing through my mind.

My plan was to view my community with expectancy.

I met a guy in the foyer while the service was on and knew he was in turmoil. Accusations, pain, lies spinning through his tired mind.

After a while I invited him into church with me.

‘Come on, find some peace’.

We entered to the sounds of  ‘Holy, Holy, Holy’. There were no spaces for us at the back.

‘Looks like we are the front row, it’s a sacred place you know’ I laughed.

My front row discomfort dissolved as I saw him find some peace in his fraught state.

I wanted to be there. He did find a sacred place.

My clan and a few extras joined us for lunch after church at Latin Fiesta and my front row friend joined us.

Two things stick in my busy mind from the lunch. The noise and chaos of my family and their friends. (The face juggler app really is hilarious, you have to download it.)

I apologized for our chaos – how could I excuse noise of family to a man who has no one? He was totally at home.

I then apologized for dragging him to the front row.

‘Oh I loved it’ he said ‘Years ago, before I lost everything, I was an elder in the church, I played worship, I was on ministry teams. I always sat on the front row. It was lovely to sit there today. Thank-you for inviting me’

Ministry is uncomfortable, it always will be – and apparently it’s not about me.

I’m comfortable with that.

See you tomorrow!

Love, Michelle xoxo

*Today I figured how to add Gifs to my blog. Be very prepared.

*I set up a Facebook Page! https://www.facebook.com/pages/Michelles-Musings/570174279704736?fref=ts

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